You may think that you have tried everything and that your child “is like that” because there is no way he will change. But of course, if your child “does nothing”, it is a situation that has been shaped over time.
Children learn that if they do nothing and are “punished” without first understanding the consequences prior to misbehavior, they will not care and there will be no change. If they do something well and are given “prizes”, they will learn to do nothing if there is no “hearty” prize waiting for them when they finish. These strategies obviously don’t work.
Why don’t your kids do anything
Yes, it is true that there are children who do nothing at home, but you must make an analysis of why this is so. What guidelines, norms or limits exist in your home? Are they appropriate for the age and ability of your children or do you tend to do things for them to go faster or do them better and “your way”?
If you apply ineffective rules at home, you will have to rethink them (it is never too late) so that the situation improves and your children acquire new habits of care and responsibility at home, at study, in their autonomy and in their own behavior.
It is necessary that your children gradually acquire autonomy with routines and daily habits, following rules and limits. At first it may seem tiring, because you will have to go behind … But in the long run, you will see what you should have done since you were very young.
Children and adolescents quickly learn what is expected of them if you tell them clearly. Don’t expect that if they’ve never done it before, they will tidy up their bedroom or do the dishes if you don’t tell them first. You must establish daily routines, so that, over time, that habit is automated and they begin to do it on their own, without you having to ask them. In this way, it is how the internal responsibilities in children begin … and it is essential for their development.
Obligations at home
All members of a family must have obligations at home to find balance. They must be responsible for:
- Your study
- Your toilet
- His bedroom
- Set and clear the table
- Help clean the dishes
- Make your bed
Tasks can be increased or decreased depending on their age and ability. But only when they have finished doing their tasks will they be able to have certain privileges such as playing the console or mobile, going out with friends, etc.
It is the best way for them to become habits, and it is necessary to start from when they are little. As they grow older, it will be more difficult for them to change their behavior, but it will never be impossible… If they acquire good habits early on, they will be able to maintain them when they are older.
So that the children do not take these tasks as “impositions” and block themselves before them … It is better that they feel that they are part of the decisions. To do this, you can have a family meeting and talk about the importance of rules and limits. Then write together which ones are the most important and talk about how you will carry it out.
You can make a task chart at the beginning, so that (especially the little ones), if they don’t remember what they have to do, they can easily look at it.
Praise them with all your love as long as they do things well and help them with all your love whenever they need it! But don’t get angry or scold them if they try to do something right and it doesn’t work out… In this case, they just need you to teach them how to do it better next time.